Incoherent Rambling, Pop-Culture

Zod’s Demands

In this summer’s Man of Steel, Superman will have to do battle with General Zod, a member of the Kryptonian military so evil that he’s thrown in the alternate-dimension Phantom Zone, which served as a prison for the criminals of Krypton, by Superman’s dad, Jor-El. For those who aren’t aware, Zod first appeared in Superman II, where he was played by Terrance Stamp, where he famously told Christopher Reeve’s Superman what he should do when Zod was around.

Why am I telling you this? Easy. Because Woot had a poll this morning, the subject of which was “Things You Should Do Before Zod”. Because it’s early in the morning, I may have made a stupid joke about it to my father. He may have come up with a retort. This may have gone on for far too long, and I may very well share all those jokes with you now, because it’s before 8:30AM and they’re still amusing me, dammit.

  • He once worked as a chef. His Sous-Chef always hated working for him, though, as he kept demanding more potatoes for his dishes. “PEEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He loved going to Sea World, but was kinda pushy about what animals he wanted to see. “SEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He decided to run a used-car dealership. His ads were pretty catchy. “DEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He loved collecting 35mm movies. “REEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He considered becoming a physician, although his bedside manner left a lot to be desired. “HEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He figured he could be a dog-trainer to pick up some extra cash. “HEEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • His favorite pass-time is fishing. “CREEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He hates it when his Jell-O takes too long to settle. “CONGEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He wanted to play the part of Annie Sullivan in The Miracle Worker, the play about Helen Keller, but he ad-libbed too much. “FEEL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • His other dream role was Fagin in Oliver. “STEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He is a big fan of metallurgy. “ANNEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He sends a lot of packages via FedEx, but never has any packing tape. “SEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He is very impatient when he’s hungry. “MEAL BEFORE ZOD!”
  • He spent a summer as a pig farmer. “SQUEAL BEFORE ZOD!”

I will be sure to update you further as they continue to come to us, because if you can’t make stupid General Zod jokes on the internet, where can you make them, really?