How I Know I’m An Idiot, Volume 1

Every so often, a thought gets into my head that makes me realize that for all the times I’ve been told that I’m a pretty smart person, I may, in fact, be the biggest idiot on the face of the planet.

It’s not that I am lacking in any real intelligence, per se – I mean, granted, it took me longer than it had any right to take for me to learn that no matter how you phrase it, adding “3” to “4” will always equal “7” – it’s just that sometimes something painfully obvious to the rest of the world may very well have been missed by me for years.

And, in case you’re doubting me, here’s the one that hit me this morning:

At the end of every Sleepy’s Mattress commercial, they play the same stupid jingle – “We’re the mattress professionals, doing it right… Trust Sleepy’s for the rest of your life”. It’s completely annoying, and will be stuck in your head until you finally smash your face into a wall. (That may be just me, though. YMMV, naturally.)

The thought that went through my head since I first heard that jingle until yesterday:

Man, Sleepy’s expects some serious loyalty from their customers… “Trust us for the remainder of your days”? What is this, some religion? How freakin’ stupid!

Then again, how often do people really buy new mattresses? I’ve had two in my lifetime, and the second one was only necessary because I wanted to move into a queen-sized bed. Hang on, let me check on the internet.

Interlude: I spend 2 minutes researching mattresses, then somehow move to night caps, then night shirts, then remember that Marshall on How I Met Your Mother wore night shirts, which lead to watching 8 hours of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. Then, remembering what I went online for in the first place, went to Yahoo! Answers.

Holy crap! Apparently, there’s people who will keep their mattress for 40 years! I mean, if you live until you’re 80, then there’s a good chance that you could have a mattress from Sleepy’s for the rest of our life! That’s freakin’ crazy!

The thought that hit me this morning:

Oh, they mean “the best rest of your life”. That makes a lot more sense, I guess.

So there you have it: I’m a dope. And in case you still don’t believe me, I can promise to continue recording my spontaneous cases of stupid here for you all to marvel at as they occur.